365 Days of the Query, Phase One: Getting Started

Over the next year, I'm going to send out query letters for my new novel, TRISKELEON.  I will keep track of my progress on the blog, probably in a format like this:

Agents queried: 1
Partials requested: 0
Fulls requested: 0

 If you're on this journey too (or in a place where you're thinking of querying), here are the steps I went through before  I even thought about submitting:

Attend a workshop (or view examples) to figure out what (and what not) to do.
When my book was complete, but not yet ready, I attended an workshop hosted by an agent I was interested in querying down the line. I might have been getting a bit ahead of myself here, but the knowledge I gleaned during this workshop was golden. The agent who ran it even agreed to see our query drafts.

Get feedback from a trusted source.
The agent who revised my letter let me know I was somewhat on the right track, and what aspects of the letter needed improvement. After that, I waited until my manuscript was ready, and I revised my query with the help of a writer friend who's already represented by an agent.


Below are three different drafts of my query, to let you know the evolution it's been through (please note that I haven't included all the ways I customized the introduction (and conclusion) for the agent, but that is something everyone should ALWAYS DO--your agent needs to know why you're querying them in the first place).

First Draft:

I’ve completed a YA fantasy adventure novel entitled Triskeleon, with series potential, that I hope you might consider.

In the land of Anderli, the trees are dying, the lake has disintegrated, and the fungus that ravaged the farmlands is showing signs of re-emerging. All hopes are pinned to Weatherby, whose spells have failed to reverse the damage. After his master disappears, he remembers Rags, a local beggar who is rumored to know the source behind the madness.

When Marnie arrives in Anderli by the aid of a Triskeleon, the ancient bracelet linked to her bloodline, she doesn’t believe she is the one fated to save Anderli and its people. But under Weatherby’s tutelage, she soon discovers powers she didn’t know she possessed, skills remnant of a dying breed of people known as Momenta. In the process, she meets seventeen-year-old Quinn, who she wishes would notice her as much as she does him. She also wishes she knew how to reverse the corruption, especially when she finds out who Rags really is, and what will happen if Anderli continues to unravel.

 Triskeleon capitalizes on the unique traits that that we all naturally possess—and how they can be used to overcome insurmountable obstacles. It’s not just about traveling from one world to another—it’s about the relationships formed during the journey.

 In the coming week, I will be contributing to the Literary Rambles blog with a piece entitled “YA Books in Libraries.” The article is about a survey I conducted to determine YA titles most popular with librarians and library consumers. I am also in discussions with School Library Journal to publish an expanded version of this data.
 For more information, you are welcome to visit my website, http://www.kbmccoy.com/ or my blog, “The Writer Librarian” (http://thewriterlibrarian.blogspot.com/). 

 Boring and vague, right? The agent's feedback on this draft was very kind and useful. She told me to include details about the main character to make her "pop" a bit more, and she said it wasn't as well-written as it could be, which would indicate to an agent that the manuscript might not be all that well-written either.

But what didn't occur to me was Weatherby appears to be the protagonist instead of Marnie. Below is an updated draft (after many iterations) to try and fix this:


Later Draft:

Dear [Agent Name],
 I saw on your blog (PW, Facebook post) that you sold a novel called ______ and was wondering if you’d be interested in TRISKELEON, a 101,000 word YA fantasy/sci-fi novel with series potential.

 In the land of Anderli, the trees are dying, the lake has disintegrated, and the fungus that ravaged the farmlands is showing signs of re-emerging. When Weatherby’s magic fails to stave the damage, he looks to Rags, a local beggar, for answers.

 According to Rags, Anderli’s fate lies in the hands of fifteen-year-old Marnie Sayebrooke, whose latest claim to fame is colliding with a parked Ford pick-up on her bike.

When Marnie arrives in Anderli by the aid of a Triskeleon, the ancient bracelet linked to her bloodline, she doesn’t believe she is fated to save Anderli and its people. But under Weatherby’s tutelage, she soon discovers her abilities to manipulate time and space, skills remnant of a dying breed of people known as Momenta. If only she could stop melting into a puddle every time seventeen-year-old Quinn winks at her.

 To save Anderli, Marnie must locate the impostor who works for Terrsarah, a powerful being fueled by her strong hatred of Momenta. As thick-armed beasts invade rivers and set forests afire, it becomes imperative for Marnie to find Terrsarah’s access point within the land, especially after she discovers Rags’s true identity. If Rags is right, and Anderli is destroyed, the universe will twist into a state of unravel.

 Last July, I contributed to the Literary Rambles blog with a piece entitled “YA Books in Libraries,” accessed here. An expanded and updated version of this article will be published as a feature in School Library Journal this month. For more information, please visit my website, Twitter feed, or blog. 
I hope to hear from you. Thank you for your time.
Best,
Karen McCoy
Website: http://www.kbmccoy.com/
Twitter:  http://twitter.com/WriterLibrarian
Blog: http://thewriterlibrarian.blogspot.com/

A few notes here. First, notice that all my contact info is below my name (this is the proper way to do it, I'm told). There's more detail about Marnie as a would-be clumsy hero, which hopefully makes her stand out a bit more. I've also added stakes, which weren't there before, so the agent knows what my character is up against. But the error I'm running into now is what the Query Shark and others call "character soup," in which I'm introducing a bunch of characters (Rags, Weatherby, Quinn, Terrsarah) without specifying where they fit. And what do the beasts have to do with anything?

After some more helpful feedback, I've ended up with what I have below, an iteration of which I queried an agent with this afternoon:


Most Recent Draft:

In the land of Anderli, the trees are dying, the lake has disintegrated, and the fungus that ravaged the farmlands is showing signs of re-emerging. According to Rags, a beggar with a keen sense of Anderli’s place among other worlds, the land’s fate lies in the hands of a fifteen-year-old redhead--Marnie Sayebrooke, from Spring Oak, California. Unfortunately, Marnie’s latest claim to fame is colliding with a parked Ford pick-up on her bike.

When Marnie arrives in Anderli by the aid of a Triskeleon, the ancient bracelet linked to her bloodline, she doesn’t believe she is the one to save Anderli and its people. But she soon discovers her abilities to manipulate time and space, skills remnant of a dying breed of people known as Momenta. Weatherby, a warlock helping her hone her talents, has enlisted Quinn, a warlock-in-training, to support her, even though Marnie can’t stop stammering and blushing when Quinn shows her defensive tactics.

 Before Anderli disintegrates, Marnie must locate the impostor who works for Terrsarah, a powerful sorceress fueled by her hatred of Momenta. But it isn’t until she discovers Rags’s true identity that Marnie understands the full implications of Terrsarah’s corruption—that if Anderli is destroyed, the universe will separate into an irreversible state of unravel.

For the past four years, I've reviewed books for Library Journal, and my background as a librarian has allowed me insight into the ever-changing tastes of teen readers. Last July, I contributed to the Literary Rambles blog with a piece entitled “YA Books in Libraries,” accessed here (linked). An expanded and updated version of this article was published as a feature in School Library Journal, entitled “What Teens are Really Reading,” found here (linked). I am also a P.A.L. member of SCBWI. For more information, please visit my website, Twitter feed, or blog.

I hope to hear from you. Thank you for your time.

Best,
Karen McCoy
Website: http://www.kbmccoy.com/
Twitter:  http://twitter.com/WriterLibrarian
Blog: http://thewriterlibrarian.blogspot.com/



So it still needs work. I can probably get rid of that blurb about Weatherby in the middle--but I'm not sure how else to introduce Quinn in context. It's a work in progress.

Also, make sure you are 100% clear on your agent's specifications before you submit. The agent I queried today wanted a synopsis as well as a query, so I took out the synopsis from the middle and put it below. After I sent it, I realized it was possible that the agent wanted a pitch in the query as well as a synopsis. Next time I'll ask the agent about specs before I submit, to make sure I'm doing everything right.

So, one query sent, and many more to go. I'm pretty sure that not much will come out of my first query (especially if I got the specs wrong), but I wasn't expecting an instant win. Expecting a win from a first query attempt is like getting a job offer after writing only one cover letter. Not likely.

It's a process, with lots of phases. I'll be sharing what I learn as mine unfolds.